Call me insane, but Ultras here I come...

I always tell friends of mine who are about to run their first marathon, to try to remember how it felt for the 1st time and write it down. You will never, ever get your first time back. Your first marathon is such a unique experience with new introductions to physical and mental challenges that you didn't even know existed. I am so scared. I cannot believe I am about to do this.Wow- I didn't know my legs could feel like that. Oh, so that is what the "Wall" feels like. Why did I do this again? I can't believe people are cheering for me!?! Oh my god, I can't believe I just did that.  

No matter how many marathons you do after that you will never get back that feeling of newness. You will always sort of know what to except or what to feel...even if you temporarily forgot exactly how painful/joyful it is.

Being 16 marathons into my marathoning career, I, too, have forgoten what it feels like to be completely clueless about running marathons. Sometimes I feel like I am on autopilot-- loving the essense of running, but knowing exactly the recipe I need to get to the finish line. Ultimate confidence and knowledge that I can do it. Sure, I still get nervous before big races, but I am no longer scared because I know I can do and I have never proven I cannot.

Tomorrow at 2am I will officially feel again what it feels like to be a running virgin. I've decided after countless mental arguments with myself to suck it up and sign up for Comrades Marathon on May 29, 2011. I think it is total crap that they call it a marathon, because it is more like 56 miles (more than 2 marathons).  I'm scared to death and I'm not going to lie about that.

I'm scared, but I know that is why I am doing it. I have literally no clue how someone asks their body to run 56 miles without stopping up hills. I have no idea how you keep going. I have NO idea how your body feels at mile 40. Is it the same as at the end of a marathon? Or worse? Can it be worse?! How do you eat? Do you use the restroom? Do you have to change running shoes? At the end of the day, I want to know how the heck one gets to the finish line alive. Frankly, I have no clue, but I know I will figure it out in the next 9 months. And I know I will finish.

I'm sure some people will say to me-- "Vera, you are only doing this because a lot of your friends are doing Ironmans and things like that." First off, that is a really silly thing to say because everyone that has done an Ironman is amazing in their own right. To all those people who try to compare, my answer is simple. I am doing this for nobody else but myself. I am doing this because I want to say when I'm 80 that I have run Comrades and that I asked my body to do it and I did. I want to know for myself what it feels like. I want to push myself beyond the limits. I want to do it for me and not because of other people's goals and plans. At the end of the day, I think that is the only way you can get yourself through it. Because, nobody else is going to get you to the finish line but yourself. Especially, when you are running it in South Africa.

So, being a true Ultramarathon virgin, I wanted to write down the things I am most scared/nervous/excited/freaked out about. I literally haven't started training yet, so this is completely fresh:

1- I am nervous about experiencing a new level of pain in running. I know that sound a bit weird, but for those of you that have run can understand. I know what it feels like to hurt in a marathon or a 5K or a 10K, etc. I don't know what that level of pain will feel like after 10 hours. And maybe, it won't even be pain. Maybe it will be pure joy.

2- I'm excited and nervous about taking a totally new approach to training. I will have to train much slower, for much longer. In the dead of winter in Boston, of all places. I hope to have a coach to help me.

3- I'm excited about learning about a whole new culture of runners. Ultramarathoners are a whole new breed (as you can expect). Who are they? How do they approach the sport?

4- I'm excited to do this while traveling. The ultimate Will Run for Travel moment. I'm literally traveling 7000 miles to run.

Bring it on.