Recovery

Time really does fly... I look back at the last 2 years and some part of me wonders what has happened-- how is it really 2 years that have last since I ran injury-free? How has this lasted so long and why has it lasted so long? I look at friends and family-- a lot has happened to the people closest to me. I've been able to experience with my friends/family the joy of weddings, engagements, babies (sometimes more than one), moves, and travels (some of which have been mine). I've been thoroughily happy for every single one of them. Joyful of their life changing moments. Smiling and celebrating along with them freely!

Yet, despite these genuine smiles and celebrations, I have been fighting my own battle. To go from tip-top athletic shape to  not being able to walk/move/roll in bed to today's current road of recovery couldn't have been predicted. But, its been as equally life changing as all those amazing events I've witnessed over the last 2 years. This has been my life-changer.

If I look back at the last 2 years, I can distinctly split the time into 4 periods- each with their own emotional element. Here we go with the run down.

January 2012-August 2012- Dark Days
I wouldn't wish these months and what came along with them on anyone I know. In a matter of 24 hours, I went from planning my next big adventure in South Africa and training for yet another incredible Ultra, to crying from the pain of getting up from a chair. Early in January I stopped running (self-imposed, knowing this was serious). From that time on, I was tiredlessly moving from one Dr to another trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Claustophobic moments in a full body MRI for 2 hours without any wisdom coming from it, 3x/week PT where I had PTs incorrectly pressing of my pubic bone to "get it back in line" (which was completely ridiculous and was an incorrect procedure for my true issue), to 2 male doctors convincing me to get a Cortisone shot directly in my pubic symphasis without any pain meds (I'm rather certain this has prepared me for giving birth to some degree), to not being able to do anything but arm bike. It was tiring. It was painful. I was starting a new job which had its own trials and I wanted to so badly to not be a victim. I never really let many people in to how hard this time period was. But, it was horrible. There was absolutely zero improvement in these 8 months...the exact same pain was present in January as it was in August. And that wore on me deeply. My friends rallied around me to the best they could, but nobody knew anything and everyone just assumed this would be like any other running injury anyone had seen-- out for a matter of weeks, not months. And nobody ever thought years.

August 2012- Figuring it out, but still not knowing
By July my PT and Doctor was getting frustrated. Nothing was working and I found myself having grown 2 bra sizes and lost control of my body in every way I knew in the past. My Doctor called me and told me about this woman named Dr. Borg-Stein-- a specialist in women's running injury (specifically pelvic injuries). She had some techniques that were cutting-edge and he thought she may have some new answers. He emailed her and she took my case on despite a 9 months waiting list. Also, my PT switched me to a Women's PT, who specialized in pelvic floor injuries. After 8 months of working with this Dr and PT, I said goodbye and headed to a hopeful path forward. 

I met with Dr. Borg-Stein in July of that year, which has been well documented in this blog. She had sent me to get a new MRI...for a better magnetic MRI...and from an expert Radiologist. I felt for the first time I had the best of the best on the case. The day when she explained what was really happening and had happened to me, was painful but liberating. To know is a powerful thing...no matter how painful that knowledge is. It's so much better than ignorance. 

After feeling bad for myself for a few weeks, I picked myself up and took Dr. Borg Stein's advice and signed up for my first round of Prolo therapy. We didn't know if it would work or how long it would take, but we were going to try. And in that, there was some freedom. 

August 2012 to March 2013- A painful plan forward

In August 2012 I had my first Pelvic Prolotherapy Injection. My friend Emily was at my side and my dear friends Kristin/Jenny/Laura/Kelly were all there to help me afterwards with my bed-rest state. Prolotherapy was painful and shocking, making the Cortisone I had received earlier seem like child's play. 

I ended up having a total of 7 round of these. Every 4 weeks the cycle would be Prolotherapy and then bedrest. I would usually only have 2 weeks of "good" time before my next round. I felt a bit of improvement after each therapy, nothing sustained and nothing that allowed me to run again. But, I was growing strength with Planks and getting back to lifting and push ups. So, movement was coming back. 

Around Feb 2013, Dr. Borg-Stein suggested we elevate our aggressiveness to the next level. The next level was PRP (Platelet Rich Plasma) injections. It was more expensive, more painful, and required even more recovery. But, using your own blood to help cure you sounded like it made sense and had been proven to work in countless studies. So, we progressed to PRP in March. 

March 2013 to Feb 2014- PRP and Starting Over

The start of PRP was the start of my real recovery. No more faux come backs, this was legit. Since March I have had 4 rounds of PRP (March, July, October, January). The process is painful and scaring (due to the blood drawing my arms make me look like some sort of junkie by the end of the treatment). But, afterwards I have felt incrementally better. Running has started, only 1 minute at a time. But, pain-free. I feel in control and like we are moving forward- finally. 

But, as if fate has committed some funny (or not so funny joke on me), my latest challenge isn't about running at all. It's about the Fear of Running. 

After months and years of pain, I'm currently struggling with getting over the fear of running. My PT says I should be running every 2 days, but I often find myself getting only 2 days in a week. Not because I can't. But, of the fear of Can't. The Fear of Pain. The Fear of starting all this again. It's an agonizing feeling and likely my next big challenge. My own head. My own heart. And getting over this. 

I can't wait to share more...