Reunion

I'ts April 24, 2014 and it's exactly 834 days ago that this all began. 834 days. That is a long ass time (excuse my French, but I feel like a swear word is necessary). 834 days ago I ran and my body literally made the decision for me. No more running. No more walking. No more anything. Slow down. Recoup. I limped home 834 days ago and I limped for another 400+ days after that. Dr's and Injections and more $$s than I want to count. 14 rounds of Bed Rest and hours of Arm Bike. Being thankful just to be on an Arm Bike-- my haven as the only exercise I had. Days full of hope and expectations of a quicker recovery and then there were days very dark. Very deeply dark. My soul and heart feeling overcome with not seeing the light. Not seeing how I could smile through a world without movement. Without running. Without walking. With deep scars from my hip belt that bled nightly. Feeling outwardly hopeful and inwardly hopeless. Seeking to find my lemonade out of lemons. Smiling because it was the only thing I could control. 

It was so hard. Every single day of those 834 were hard. 

But, it feels like the universe knows when  it's all been enough. When you can't take any more. When the lesson has been learned and you have been changed...kicking and screaming...for the better. 

It wasn't like it all of a sudden happened. There were minutes of walking and minutes of jogging. There were 9 minutes of planks a day to strengthen my abs and so many of those sitting hip raises that I think I could generally sleep doing them. I didn't just get better. I worked at it. A lot. Over a lot of months. The last year has been a series of "almost reunions" with running. So close, but not quite enough. Then there were the months of fear. Fear of starting back 834 days ago. Unfairly going to day 1 again if I made a mistake. Being afraid of running...of trying. 

And then the Galapagos Islands happened. I went for 2 weeks exploring one of the most (if not THE most beautiful places in the world) that I have ever been lucky enough to see. I didn't think about running because I couldn't. I didn't work out. I just reflected and rested. And I realized that I am no longer in pain. That I can run again. That I want to run again. And to do that...I must try fearlessly. 

The Galapagos. A restart.

So, I built back up on the treadmill running 1 minute at a time when I returned. I went from 1 minute to 7 minutes continuously. And then 2 days ago happened-- I went running outside painfree. 3.5 miles nonstop. On my favorite running routes. Smiling like a fool. 

And I think I'm back this time. For real.