Remembering what the Unknown feels like

The red circle is around me...finishing my 1st Marathon and having no clue what would be next for me and running



Training for this Ultramarthon has been the hardest thing I have done. There has been intense cold, feet and feet of snow, slippery ice, mind-blowing wind, hours and hours of running, dodging rude Boston drivers, and lastly dealing with the constant pounding on my body. There were days when all I wanted to do was NOT run and others where I felt amazing and fast. But regardless of the tough parts, I feel proud and happy I'm doing it. Right now I'm in the midst of it. The hardest weeks are here and the light at the end of the tunnel is still a month away. It could possibly be the hardest April ever... mentally and physically.

I remember back in September when I signed up for Comrades, I said that one of the main reasons I wanted to test myself beyond the Marathon was to remember the feeling of the unknown. To feel "ignorance is bliss" again (I always say to 1st time Marathoners that they should enjoy the element of ignorance of the distance. The fact that you have no idea what it feels like...because you'll never get that innocence back. You will always know how it feels...whether you choose to talk about it or not). I can say with 100% certainly, I'm feeling that ignorance again. The unknown is here and I'm nervous. I think being nervous helps us be better and dig deeper. I'm nervous (even perhaps scared), I'm digging deep,  and I'm in it.

This Saturday I am running the longest distance I have ever run at one time (50K or 31 miles). I'm also running my first Trail race. They always say to never to do firsts at once. I guess I'm ignoring that. I'm so scared of the unknown on this one. I have never run over 26.2 miles. What does mile 28 feel like? What does it feel like after dodging limbs and rocks for 5+ hours? Have I trained enough? Have I practiced my nutrition enough? Am I mentally tough enough? I remember when I ran my 1st Marathon I was full of unknowns, but I was 100% confidence I'd finish. I'd be lying to say I'm this confident this time...no matter how many hours of training on the roads I have done. So, here is a laundry list of what is going through my head before I embark on the next chapter of my running life. Just so I always remember what not knowing feels like.

1. What will it feel like? More painful or less than a Marathon? Will slower, softer trails make it go by easier on the limbs?
2. Can I run for that long? It's a simple as that.
3. Will I get sick? Am I going to eat enough or eat the right things?
4. Will I get lost? Can I follow the trails?
5. What mental games will I play with myself to get through it?
6. What will it feel like to finish?

The post may sound like I'm sad or overwhelmed by this challenge. Maybe there is a very small portion of it that is true, but mostly I'm just excited. After Saturday I will say I'm not just a Marathoner but an Ultra marathoner. I'm no longer a wannabe, but the real deal. I can't wait to be the real deal...even if I'm giving up blissful ignorance.